26. Udupi...

Did the title make you feel hungry? Yes, I believe, until I visited the coastal town of Udupi, I too, associated the word “Udupi” with restaurants.

Its has now been a couple of months since I have settled in to Bangalore and acquainted myself with my new room-mate, (and now a good friend) – Sriharsha. When I met him, I had little idea that two months down the line, I would be sitting with him on an overnight bus heading towards Udupi from Bangalore.

Travel and seeing new places has always been something I relished, and the thought of visiting a new place on the Western Coast of India thrilled me no bounds. Hence, it was without any hesitation, that I told Harsha, I would be going with him to his hometown on the next long weekend.

March 27 arrived and so did Ugadi, the New Year for Kannadigas, and I got my small bag of clothes ready and was off with Harsha towards Udupi. The journey is typically 10-12 hours long or so, I heard and indeed it was so. Albeit a brief stretch of time where the road was bumpy, the journey was pretty smooth, and I, being my usual self, snored away to a good night’s sleep.The small university-town of Manipal greeted me in the morning with narrow streets, a calm atmosphere and green coconut trees. I had arrived to the western coast of India. Soon after I disembarked from the bus, I was greeted by a smiling uncle (Harsha’s father) and his nephew- Akshaya.

Over the next couple of days, I was treated to a lifestyle I had never experienced about before. Calm ,peaceful and relaxing, it was a city which instantly made one feel at home. I soon realized that, not only was Udupi famous for Krishna Temple, it was also one of the most unique towns in the south India, boasting of its own cuisine, language and culture.

A taste of the sambar there, and I knew, it was something special. Harsha’s mother was quite an expert at making the local cuisine and I had the delight to have a certain “jackfruit sambar” made by her. If you happen to Google “udupi cuisine”, you would find that it certainly has its own blend of ingredients, some sweet, some salty, some fruity, and some spicy. The aloo bonda that I had for dinner was really awesome.

There I go off, talking about food, now coming back to the city front, I had the pleasure of visiting an island called “ St. Mary’s Island” off the coast of Udupi. The gentle boat ride on the green-colored Arabian Sea was pleasing to say the least. The island by itself was a little dry owing the summer season but still offered some breathtaking views of sea and the unique rock structures formed there.

Over Saturday and Sunday, I was blessed with visits to not one, not two, but a record breaking (for me) ten temples in all. Amongst the temples were the famous Udupi Krishna temple, Anneguda Vinayaka temple, Murudeeshwara Shivan temple and not to miss out, the renowned Moogambikai temple in Kollur. The NH-17, which runs through Udupi, was the road which took us two hours north (approx 100 Kms) on the Konkan Coast. Offering glimpses of the sea intermittently, the road passed through dense growth of coconut trees and the lush green ambience of Coastal India.

The temples by themselves, had something different about them. The dedicated priests offering sincere prayers, the patient devotees who revered their beloved god, and the pious and holy atmosphere add up to a serene and peaceful experience. Not only are the temples different because of the different “prasadam” and “archanai (seva) they offer, they are also apart from other temples in India, because of nature of the devotees who visit them. The unflinching dedication and faith of the deities makes one feel charmed(blissful) about the whole scenario.

A special note must be made of the humongous “Gopuram” standing outside the huge Shiva structure along the coast side in Murudeeshwara. The size and magnitude of the god-structure and Gopura inspire awe as you stand and gaze at them. As if that is not enough, there is the Luke warm Arabian Sea beach to entertain you, as you soak in the beautiful ambience. An icing on the cake, is the beach restaurant that offers mouth watering Pav Bhaji, which you can enjoy along with an ice cream as you can overlook the beach with its numerous people playing. Twist your head and you can look up and the watchful lord Shiva as he smiles down serenely.

As I come to the end of the post, I have to write about something that I felt was magical. It was the care, affection and warmth that I felt from Harsha’s parents. Meeting me for the first time, they showed no qualms or reservations and treated me like their own son.
Be it aunt’s numerous delicacies and constant care for my appetite, or uncle’s valuable advice and his narration of Udupi’s local history, it was thoroughly fulfilling experience.
At the end of the jouney as I returned home back to the hustle and bustle of Bangalore life, I closed my eyes and smiled as I soaked in the wonderful memories I took back with me of the special and unique city of Udupi.

P.S: I also wanted to make a mention about the Manipal univ.It was truly spectacular. Looking at the university buildings and facilities, I felt like studying all over again. I also wanted to thank the Elephant which stood outside the Udupi Krishna temple, which blessed me despite its busy life :) And last but certainly not the least, I want to thank Harsha who was instrumental in helping me experiencing a pinch of his lifestyle. It was something special.

25. Statue !!!

Besides the stationary and typically non-living structures, that one sees erected at different parts of a city, the “statue” also has a different albeit similar connotation.

During my childhood, kids used to play a game called statue. I believe, a lot of people might have come across this game, where-in one person shouts : “statue”, and the people around him ( one or more) freeze in their current state of position, face reaction and expression. The denner, or the person who shouts “statue”, is then required to make the other person(s) to unfreeze, by either making them laugh or uncomfortable. Within an elapsed time, if he succeeds, he wins, else loses on account of not being able to break the statue.

This game caught-on with different versions around, where people suddenly stun others by shouting “statue” at the most unexpected times and the people near them have to oblige by becoming a statue.

Now, coming to the context in which I wanted to talk about this topic, I wanted to say that it has nothing to do with the real world. It is in fact something to do with the imaginary world.

Do you read books? To be more specific, fiction ? or even fantasy, or indeed any other book which has “a story”. The reason why this question is being popped is of deep significance. Do you know why?

Let me try to elaborate. Imagine you are reading a fiction novel, a James Hadley Chase novel where the protagonist (let his name be Scott), is running away from a couple of cops in New York. He gets on top of one of the apartments and starts running. The cops are closing behind him but are still about 20 feet away. Scott, in his breathlessness looks behind and also knows that the end of the building and parapet are approaching him. He knows, the distance between this and the next building is only 15 feet. He knows that, if he times his jump well, he can make it through the window of the next building. With one eye behind on the approaching cops, and one eye on the window of the neighboring building, he prepares to time his jump.

He fails to notice some water pipes near the parapet of the building and trips over while trying to jump, plummeting him downwards instead of forward. In a desperate attempt to save himself, he swings his hands and feet in mid-air and catches hold on what feels like a rod. The impact of holding the rod makes him rotate in mid-air as he struggles to keep his hold on the rod. The rod he is holding is the minutes arm of a huge clock on the face of the building. He looks above, and notices the cops watching him from above and a quick glance below, shows that he is twenty floors above the ground. A free fall will crush his bones to death. In desperation he looks all around knowing that he has only about 10 seconds to make a decision, else the cops might shoot at him…..

The Chapter ends. End of 21st chapter. Its 11.45 pm in the night. You really want to know if Scott makes it safely, or gets killed, but realize that its too late and you have to sleep now, else you might be late to school or college tomorrow. So, what do you? Keep a leaflet on the 22nd chapter, and put the book aside and sleep.

Do you know, what you just did? You just left Scott hanging from the a huge clock in mid-air.

Not only is Scott hanging from the clock arm, the cops are left stranded at the top of the building watching Scott hang. This is the concept of "imaginary statue". Yes, when you read a novel and stop it mid-way (to read it later), you tend to leave the characters in the story, abruptly(and quite unfairly) doing what ever it is they were doing, until you pick up the novel again sometime later. Whether the characters are sitting, sleeping, eating, hanging or even indeed in rest rooms, they have little option to do anything else until you read the story further and let them carry on with their lives. They are, at your mercy.

Now I say this with some level of confidence, because, the story you read, is in played-out in your minds. It is imaginary, you visualize it. So when you take a hiatus, the story stops too. Until the next time you pick up the book, all characters maintain the same position in your minds. Isnt that true? Yes they are statues until the next time!!!!

Although one can counter argue stating that one cannot always read a complete novel at a stretch, we can still help the imaginary characters have a better life : by stopping to read at a point when the characters are in better situations (preferably eating, reading, thinking). Another idea can be to give shorter intervals between our reading time, thereby giving lesser idle and painful time for the characters :)

So, next time when you are reading a novel and are going to close it (to read later), remember how you are leaving the protagonists and characters in the story. Your discretion will go a long way in making life better for the imaginary characters in your mind.

Corollary:

The same situation can perhaps be applied to a movie also. When you stop a dvd movie in between only to see it later, you can say the characters get stuck. But I am not such a big fan of this idea, as it is not in our minds(imaginary) like char. in a novel.

Another sub-corollary. What happens when you leave a novel and dont read it ever again. The characters wait for a long time before dying ( or becoming extinct). Because, its all in your mind........

24. Something About Solo-Journeys.

There is something about solo-journeys. Travelling alone makes us feel different. Irrespective of whether we travel by bus, train or plane, the unique feeling is always there.

Let me try to elaborate. Often times, we would have come across situations when we had to travel alone from one place to another. In my case, it was very common. During my undergraduate days, I travelled a lot alone in trains from college to home. In the recent past, I spent a lot of time travelling by planes and buses. And during all these times, apart from the tiredness and the little sense of euphoria, that I felt while reaching the destination, there was not much to take home from the journeys.

But there is a peculiar feeling while travelling alone. The feeling of -“loneliness in a crowd”. You know that you are surrounded by people, mostly strangers, whom you are meeting for the first time, yet, you are alone. You hear people all around you talking to each other, or, on cell phones, yet no-one is speaking to you. This brings a feeling of being lonely, but at the same time not alone. Perhaps, that is the fundamental difference between the two words. You are alone when you are the only person in a place, but you are lonely if you no-one you know is around you. Of course, this is just speculation; I know, thoughts on this vary quite a lot.

But coming back to the journey. There are a few things we know for sure while travelling: viz., we are certainly going to reach the place we desire to reach, all the people around us are just passengers who share a very small amount of our lives and lastly, that its temporary.

Let us try to analyze a brief journey by plane (or train if you prefer) and trace how it feels like. You start off with a fresh mind knowing that you are going to someplace different from where you are now. Then, you are amidst a huge crowd of people who are also travelling some place.

Now, your companions (the ones who will sit closest to you) are usually busy with their own thoughts and activities. Sometimes, you try to be-friend them and vice versa. In the short span, (which you know is temporary), you get to meet a new person and get a brief idea about them. This can work two ways. Some people can lie about themselves (since you can never check or find out the truth), or some people can be themselves with you, and not pretend ( which they might have to do in their real lives) since you are only a temporary presence in their lives. This can work both ways. You can too lie or be outright yourself with the new strangers you have temporarily be-friend.

If you are lucky, you might have found someone who might last with you for a longer time in life. ( its rare).

Now for the remainder of the journey, you read a book, or gaze at a scenery or clouds
(depending on your mode of transport). Perhaps, eat something or, listen to music, and think a lot. This time that you get with yourself is extremely precious. Often times you can think more clearly and understand more about yourself during these times. Partly because, you know you don’t have anything else to do (rather you cannot do much). You might find that being in an environment with bustling people and babies and families, your thoughts would often be favorable.
But, nowadays with advancements in technology, we are starting to get robbed of the valuable personal time that we used to get, with people constantly working on laptops.

Alas, the journey ends (sometimes soon, sometimes not so soon) and we reach our destination. We bid farewell to our companions for the trip if they indeed deserved our good-byes...and then head off homeward or forward along with many other people who are relieved at reaching the place of interest.

Next time, when you have an opportunity to travel without people you know, grab the opportunity and savor the quality time that you get with yourself, to think, observe, understand and absorb all the surroundings, people and situations that you come across...............................something which you don’t get to do in your day-to-day life.


Footnote: You might notice (or not) that I started off talking “you go on a journey” and ended it with “we reached”. Wanted to explain this apparent discrepancy in grammar.
I realized, that I intended it to be your journey, ( the readers), but ended up sharing the journey with you ( the author). Contradicting the topic of this post. ( you did not have a solo journey). Ok, until next time....Adios!!

23. Auto !!!

The following post is based on the author’s recent high frequency involvement with auto-rickshaws and their drivers in the past month. If you are an auto-driver, discretion is advised.

If you have lived in India for a considerable period of time, it is impossible for you not to have travelled in an auto-rickshaw alias “auto”. Incidentally, the name of the three-wheeled vehicle is derived from the more primitive means of transport the “cycle rickshaw”, where in, the driver bicycles two, three or even four heavy weight riders with stain and effort. More recently with advancement in technology, it is now automatic, viz. “the auto”.

Lets get to the point. One, most certainly, would have come across different kinds of auto drivers, and the first thing that comes to mind is : “haggling”. Yes, the demand for an excessive fare for a ride and the see-saw battle that ensues between the rider and driver for an optimal price.

Consider this incident. A prospective rider goes to the auto driver and asks to be dropped to a point X. The auto driver being his usual self demands Rs100 (the real fare would be Rs55). The rider without thinking says “okay” and gets in to the auto, much to the amazement of the driver. The auto driver starts the engine and barely drives a couple of kilometers before ramming in to the side pavement, causing no significant damage to humans, but considerable damage to the rickshaw. On probing further, one understands that the shock of the riders immediate approval of the quoted amount, and the disappointment of not quoting Rs150, and thereby earning more was the reason for his lack of concentration.

Now you wouldn't want that happening to you. So Haggle, or in other words, "fight to Bargain". Its the daily dose of fun and entertainment in the auto drivers life. Now having said all this, there are a variety of people both riding and driving the autos.

Lets talk about a few who drive them.

• You must have certainly come across the ones, who think you deserve that extra bit of information and knowledge of the surroundings since you have paid them handsomely, thereby chattering away all through the journey.
• And what about the one who often asks...”what’s the time?” as though he certainly has some million dollar deals waiting for him.
  
• Then there are those who remain quiet, tacit in fact in return for your questions making you feel less important.
  
• Of course, there are those who fret and feel bad all through the journey making you realize the mistake you made by striking a less than appropriate deal (fare) with them for the journey.
  
• And well lastly, those drivers who often keep looking over their shoulders keeping an eye on you (more out of fear of you running away, than care) and often spitting outside ( once per 100 metres).

There are indeed a lot of colourful personalities. One just needs to notice and understand their type!

Well, why should we leave our dear riders behind. There are unique people here too.

• Some who keep on bargaining until the auto driver realizes his mistake and goes to the temple for redemption after dropping him. (for being "unfair").
• Some who often imagine they are better than Google Maps and suggest directions all the way through.
• And finally those, who (quite fairly) regulate the speed of the rickshaw through constant vigilance.

Imagine the plight of an auto driver, he knows that more often than not, there are many others,to compete, right behind him and if he loses this rider, he may not get another one for some time to come. This is when our dear rider gains the upper hand and bargains as though there is no tomorrow.

Alas, there are many such battles going on in almost all the cities in India, between the auto driver and the rider. It is not pretty look at or listen, but its a battle in its own right leaving a sense of triumph for the one who got the better out of the deal.

As an after note, there must be a couple of lines written about the vehicles themselves. Green and Yellow, or Black and Yellow depending upon the city they are in, Autos have a peculiar shape owing to their three wheels. Depending on your luck you can ride a shine, (with posters) one or a rickety and dull one (with torn seats and duct tape).

So, next time you ride an auto, hold on, and enjoy the experience. It is unlike any other not because it feels good, but because it is unique.

22. A Trip to Disneyland

Disneyland, a place which has been in the hearts of many people since childhood. During the times when cable tv did not exist and remotes were a unknown concept for televisions. Kids used to be glued to the only channel available on tv. Animation, which always fantasizes kids did not have many characters. Walt Disney, the founder and a person who triggered the imagination of thousands of kids all over the world with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and other now famous Disney characters.

My friends and me recently went to the Disneyland at Anaheim, the first and oldest Disney theme park for our thanksgiving holidays. The atmosphere at Disney was just something else- Thousands of colorfully dressed kids running all around with their patient and anxious parents following them all around. There were lots of rides and shows all over the park targeting mainly at kids. Even as an adult walking through the park and riding all the rides with enthusiasm, I found that the place does have its charm.

Colorful, vibrant, imaginative and elaborate, the rides transported me to a different world. For some time, I was transformed in to a kid. Observing all the kids around, I could see the eagerness, innocence and happiness as they pulled and tugged their parents and ran all over the place with glee. Certainly any person inside of Disneyland would not feel sad. It is one of the most cheerful places on earth. If not awed by the extraordinary imaginative sets, one certainly could be impressed by the state of the art technology on display. And, last but not the least like I mentioned before, the kids and their innocence certainly brings an unknown sense of bliss to a random passerby.

***********************

Cut the scene to Mumbai, India where terrorists attacked various parts of the city and killed around 150 people and injured many many innocent civilians. The whole city and country watched and waited in terror as the terrorists held many hostages and continued to torment and torture everybody. Eventually coming out with their demands, the terrorists wanted to help free their fellow terrorists from some (not to be mentioned) terrorist organization. This was not a unique incident or happening. Terrorism, war against terrorism and the feeling of hatred, anger and helplessness associated with terror has been something slowly and gradually each and every one of us is getting accustomed to.

As if a common person does not face enough problems in their own day-today lives, they have to now face problems that deal with group of people who have their own strong beliefs alias fanatics and desperadoes. Terrorists, ironically are also human beings who have gone wrong in their execution of their lives.



Disney and Terrorism…………pause and think for a moment. They probably lie on opposite ends of a spectrum. Don’t they? Kids who are probably the closest to god in terms of their innocence and goodness and on the other hand terrorists who are probably are the furthest from god in terms of brutality, violence and maliciousness. At this point of my post, I admit I am confused as to what I was trying to say. But let me try and say this in a crude way if possible.


Every terrorist was a kid once upon a time, and even he or she would have surely liked to have spent time at Disneyland. So?

What then ensued, that has lead to a person………..benevolent and innocent to turn in to a beast. You can say society, people, circumstances or situation.


But, I wonder if the same terrorist is given a chance to spend time at Disneyland with his kid. What would he do? Would he not enjoy it like any of us?

21. The Shuffle....

Two hands came forward and picked up the planet earth in its hand, as if it were a small cricket ball. and carefully shook it up-down, left-right for a couple minutes and kept it back at its place.......


I didn't know if I should wake up or not, the alarm had not sounded, so I could sleep more, but I was feeling restless. Bored and irritated, I decided to check the time...Oh, there was no cell phone beside me. "What? Where is it?.....and what ? where the hell am I ?"

Golly shit and wow, the bed I was sleeping in was huge, with "gaddas" (cylindrical shaped pillows), and beautiful Rajhastan handcrafted quilt. I did not quite get it. My room did not look familiar. There was a painting of village women drawing water from wells and a portrait of myself with my family. But it looked weird. Not because me, my father and brother had moustaches, but because we were wearing strange clothes... right from medieval age in India.
There were no windows in the room and there seemed to be no concept of curtains as I could see beads hanging along the door side.

It made absolutely no sense. I was ....well at least it seemed like I was in a grand room of a 5-star hotel with unique "medieval India" theme. The last I remembered I was just working for some company which I worked for day in and day out and played tennis and went to sleep at my home in Folsom.

I got out of the bed, only to realize I was wearing robes like some old king. Come on!!!, this was getting more and more strange. I walked to open the door and as soon as I opened there were five men waiting for me in yet again strange palatial robes with trays of food and milk. "good morning and a wonderful day to you, your young highness" said the oldest of them, who closely resembled my friend Amit. It slowly dawned on me, that I was not the usual person anymore, it seemed like I was some king or prince of some kingdom.

At this point, any usual person would have freaked out and gone mad, not understanding how 2008 AD can suddenly be changed to 1600 AD or god knows what age.

But not our hero. He ( I mean me ) knew that this was quite an opportunity, so he said, "thank you" and went on devour the so called "shahi dawat".

I think, at this point , let me briefly tell you what happened. For some unfathomable reason, Dilip the regular 2008 AD guy for some reason became a king from 1600 AD. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but who cares, it was fun. Each and every person who greeted me shook their head in reverence and mentioned " namaskar o' Dalip the great". It was fun and exciting.


I had absolutely no idea what my work was. All I had to do was to keep saying. "please leave me alone" or "what do my panel of ministers say" whenever I had some doubt. This was a royal life. I could have all the wonderful food I wanted at the slightest hint of hunger. My clothes were definitely not comfortable, after all who is used to wearing designer heavy robes and skirts all day long.

As I was walking along the corridors of the magnificent fort, that seemingly I had ordered to be built, I began singing " kehne ko jashn-e-bahara hai". My singing talents were praised quite equal to that of Tansen. Well what can I say.....awesome. But all the courtesans and passer-bys were amazed when I suddenly sung "singh is king, singh is king". The confused look on every body's face was priceless.

Later in the evening I entered the palace main room where all ministers and important people sat to listen me talk, I could not help feel a sense of absolutely bliss as I saw all my friends past and present were the ministers. If you are reading this post, smile, you were once an important person in the Dalip dynasty. My father and mother and brother sat patient beside my throne waiting for my speech of the day. I went and sat on the throne and spoke about some drivel. I cannot even repeat it nor is it worth repeating I should add. No one interrupted, no one showed signs of irritations as they all erupted in to applause after I finished. I guess life was just amazing.....

But there is always something to screw good things up. As I was proceeding to my room , my closest minister said it was time for my "sports-time". Assuming that obviously I was going to win in whatever I did I went into the game arena. It was dumb as it was empty and the whole crowd had gathered to watch me. Just then the minister Vikram ji shouted... " our king will now destroy and prevail over the evil lion"........Crap, what was that? I froze as a lion emerged from behind a closed door. Damn, damn, damn....what is going on? "I don't want to be King anymore. Stop this. Hello..........". I ran round and round the arena as the lion chased me.

"Come on, you got to be kidding me....what is this..... "

Just then, a huge swirl of wind blew all over and everything blurred.


The two hands yet again shook the earth carefully, a cute baby laugh guffawing in the background.

"That's enough baby Krishna, stop playing with the earth", came the voice of a lady, probably his mother as Krishna carefully placed back the earth in its place and went about playing with some other planet.





PS : GODS need to have fun too, and all the dreams that we see, the wacky strange ones are the ones which are happening in the parallel world when GOD shuffles the earth for fun.......




:) :) :)

20. Slo-Mo

After a long hiatus of 6 months, I write this post , will be more regular hence...


Okay, as you start reading this, please pause. Wait, take some time. Read it slowly.

Welcome to Slow-Motion, the world where everything slows down. All of us are always busy, running around, reading fast, eating fast. So Why not take it easy for a change. Read this post slowly. How often have we seen in movies, songs in slow-motion. A popular song “pehla-nasha” was very successful not only because of the scintillating music but because of the slowly picturised song.



Lets try and embark on a slow-motion journey and see how it differs from the usual time.

Chicago Mid-West Airport, 9.30 am. Waiting for the flight to San Francisco at 10.15 am, I had 45 minutes to kill. I took out the I-pod and turned on a tamil song “ Vellai Pookal” from the movie “Kannathil Muthamittal”. It is a slow melody sung by AR Rahman. The song is very mellifluous. As I closed my eyes momentarily enjoying the pleasant song, with its instruments playing softly as ever and opened my eyes, I saw an entirely different world.

Everyone and everything in the airport was in slow motion. The busy pilot and an airhostess walked back slowly towards home after a tiring journey. But even as they went about their job, they shared a joke and laughed. An old couple waiting for their flight, talked to each other and a small smile broke across the old man’s lips. A mother and daughter argued with each other over some issue. A young boy ran behind his friend as they tried to run around the airport seats. A small girl shared a secret with her mother. A patient father played with his son. Everytime he went near the toy that his son wanted to pick, he pushed it further. As the amused son ran behind it along with his father, smiling and laughing. A smile broke across my face as I realized that I was enjoying this moment. There was no inherent reason for my happiness, it was just slow, soft bliss.


How often we yearn for more time. How we wish good moments are slow and bad moments are fast and its always the reverse. But amidst these good and bad moments there are infinite simple not so significant moments. What about those. Try to take some time, where people all around you are busy, and isolate your mind to a slower world and see through those slower glass. Everything around you will look peaceful and happy.

The happiness that you will experience when you understand the underlying beauty of the slowed down moment will be similar to watching intently at a 3D image on a piece of paper with concentration and the image suddenly appearing to you…..

19. Why?

A four year old looks at his mother and asks, "Why does the sun have to go back everyday ma, Why cant it just stay?". The mother looks at her child and answers, "son, it too has to go to sleep just like us. It will come back tomorrow morning when you wake up". The boy satisfied with the answer goes back doing his routine duties, playing, watching TV and more playing.



Twenty one years later, the same boy is now a man. Busy with a different routine: work, more work, play,cook and sleep. So what else is different? He knows the answers to a lot of questions he did not know when he was four years old. He knows what electricity means, why we eat nutritious food and whats the design for the next graphics chip churned out by Intel. Those among the many things which were even beyond the dreams of the four year old are now possible, perceptible and understandable.



Here is where the reason for this seemingly absurd comparison will be addressed. This twenty five year old has a conundrum. He has a question which he does not know the answer to. With due respect to his mother, it seems there are questions which are beyond answer by her. That is not new one may think. After all if he were to ask his mother how many flop stages to put between read and write cycles of his cache unit in design of graphic chip, his mom, obviously would say....ummm.....three? which we can safely assume is a auspicious answer to this otherwise mundane question. The person, is now searching for answers to more deeper philosophical puzzles which may not be answerable by anyone let alone his mother.


A beautiful picture to distract you in case you don't want to read this post :)

Jumping to the issue that is bothering him, we see that he seeks an answer to " What is our purpose for being born?". Hackneyed, one may think immediately. But perhaps this questions strikes many people at one time or the other in life. Taking humans as an example, it is noticed that they have a systematic pattern of life. Childhood, school, college, work, marriage, kids, grand kids and eventually the end of life. Gazillions of people have been doing this over time immemorial. So what is different about my life, or your life or the protagonist's life. Some people leave indelible marks on the phase of the earth like Einstein, Faraday and many other scientists who are finding reasons for many then unknown phenomenons. But they are far and few. Earth for that matter is a minuscule atom in the vast-endless-infinite universe. Indeed there many earths. But we are digressing. The point being, if everything is so decisive, it is a cycle which has a regular pattern, why does everybody take so much enthusiasm and interest in living it with so many desires. Money, power, desires, fury, anxiety, envy, sadness, braveness, sacrifice,love and all the other (saving time and space) parameters, we inculcate in lives. Why?

Live life by the day, why?
become successful(??) in life, why?
Be good, do good , why?

Why, what is our purpose? Okay, given that the end of life (which again is unclear) is an inevitability for everybody, is far far away for all of us, what is it that we are supposed to do when it comes. Is this a case of :

a) what you have when you achieved the destination?
b) how you reached your destination?
c) what you have x how you reached your destination?

When we reach judgement day in biblical terms, should we be, rich/ satisfied/ healthy/ did good deeds to overcome sins? What is it that we seek? When we wake up everyday, we want good food, good experiences and good day. But when it is the last day. What do we take beyond?
Some say memories, some say soul. But at the moment, the author feels, he is clueless.

Very basic questions, one can say, but does one know the answers, or in fact, does one at all seek answers? Sometimes, we are advised not to, so that the thrill,motivation and essence of life is not lost. The same essence which we do not know about. As this post ends, perhaps as a insignificant speck of dust in this boundless universe, the expectation is, the author will definitely find out the answer, as will all others-- at a time, when one is not allowed to share their answers with anybody. But, indeed, I am glad I documented this.

Post Thoughts: Despite the fact that the post is extremely philosophical and heavy in its contents, it is an omnipresent question.

18.Serene Lake Tahoe

That did not take as long as he expected. There was pin drop silence. The body of a short guy lay prostate in front of him. Now he had lot of work to do and quick. Hide the body inside the closet, make sure there were no visible traces he that he was leaving behind. It took him under four minutes to do all of that. He was making sure the room had no evidence, the curtain was open. But this was the twentieth floor of the tallest building, and it was broad daylight. No one could have possibly noticed anything from outside. No one had noticed him coming up the hotel, after all this was a busy place.

As he made a final search for any clues that he might have left behind, a sense of satisfaction grew inside him. It was essential to kill the man he had just killed and now he was sure he was safe and no one would ever know. But.................wait...................he could hear footsteps outside. His heart skipped a few beats. Perhaps it was not for this room. He had left a "do no disturb" sign outside the door. There was a knock on the door. Who could this be? He could not afford to be found here. He waited, hoping that the person or maybe people outside would go away.

Then, he heard the door click, some one had a key, how could they ever guess he was here? The door opened ........and he knew he was done......

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The alarm rang, it was Sunday. "Why the hell did I keep an alarm on a Sunday? Oh yes, I had to go to Lake Tahoe". I looked at my watch, 9am. Picking up the phone, I called Akka, she said she will be ready by 10.30. It was a warm day, a perfect day to visit the much talked about Lake Tahoe. I got ready on time and we started as per scheduled, with me driving my new car.

The Lake Tahoe Basin was formed by geologic block (normal) faulting about 2 to 3 million years ago. A geologic block fault is a fracture in the Earth's crust causing blocks of land to move up or down. Uplifted blocks created the Carson Range on the east and the Sierra Nevada on the west. Down-dropped blocks created the Lake. Lake Tahoe is the second deepest lake in the United States and the tenth deepest in the world. Lake Tahoe is about 22 mi (35 km) long and l2 mi (19 km) wide and has 72 mi (116 km) of shoreline. Lake Tahoe is the highest lake of its size in the United States.

That was enough of geographical information. I have an inclination for geography hence the dose for you. When we reached Lake Tahoe about two hours after we started from home, it was a little after 12.30. The tourist spot offered many attractions, skiing (in winters), boating, water jet skiing, a cable car ride, nice beaches and wonderful scenic points all around the lake. Before anything else, I wanted a closer look at the lake. I drove around the lake a few miles and we found a good beach. Akka always liked beaches. She went and played around for half an hour while I spent the time observing the Tahoe water at close quarters. It was crystal clear. The water clarity was almost unbelievable. I then lay down on the sad and had a small doze.
" What the hell are you doing lying around coming to Lake Tahoe?" , yelled Akka "Good Point", I said as I cursed my laziness. "Why don't we go up the cable car and get a good view of lake Dilip? At least it will wake you up lazy bone !!" suggested Akka. "Of course, lets go right away" I said. Indeed "the heavenly gondola" was one of the major attractions here at the Lake Tahoe. Each ticket cost 28$, a lot of money. I hope its worth, I thought to myself.

The Heavenly Gondola is a cable car ride which takes visitors to the top of a Sierra Mountain (Hill) and offers a spectacular view of the Tahoe from above. The cable car ride lasts 12 minutes on the way up. It sways, bounces and glides over the beautiful mountain. As we rose above the ground and gained altitude, there was a sense of calm. The solitude and gentle movement of the car lured me in to a dream world of mine. A big sound of the word " Idiot" brought me back to the current place. I could see Akka looking at me with piercing eyes. She hated my spurts into dream world. The cable car stop came. Both of us got down and stood on a metal mesh floor. We could see beneath our feet. This place was located on top of a mountain more than 7000 feet above sea level.

A cute looking bear statue attracted our attention. We took a picture near it. Sunday is always a wonderful place to visit the Tahoe. A good number of people come and visit it. Saturday is always crowded and weekdays are too sparsely crowded. Sunday was just right. A few paces on the metal mesh floor and we came to a big balcony like place overlooking the Lake Tahoe. It was a breath taking view. The whole lake Tahoe with its 72 mile perimeter was visible. Before I could comment on the view to Akka, she was already busy clicking pictures of the Tahoe. To describe the view in brief, the lake was surrounded with lots of mountains, a few snow capped and other barren. The blue lake and the blue sky gave the whole scenery a bluish overtone. Small yatches and boats were visible like ants in the lake. A small settlement or city was visible down below which we recognized as the place where we had parked our car. "Heavenly Village" was a picturesque town on the foothills of this mountain atop which we stood.

Gobi Manchurian and Cauliflower Dosa, our previous nights left over dinner gave us good appetite and also attracted the attention of a few passerbys as they were envious of the cozy lunch that we had got for ourselves. Lunch done, now it was photo session time. This was what I liked the most. After all I could put it up on orkut. Akka was genuinely interested in The lake and she was busy clicking away pictures of the landscape. I just wanted my pictures with the lake. A few good mugshots with me broadly smiling gave me the satisfaction that I was looking for.

The binoculars or viewfinders of whatever you call them which helps seeing far away contrary to expectation was not finding many seekers. Perhaps people thought there was nothing good to see down in a lake. Surprisingly it was free too. Before I could take a look, Akka was already busy looking though it focusing on the small yatches and jet boats in water. I waited patiently for my turn. She asked me to look at a yatch. Akka had focused it pretty well. I hardly saw for a few seconds when she snatched it back and started seeing through it. I meanwhile took a few pictures of squirrels (with lines on their backs!!!) playing around in the soft sparse snow which was lying around at a few places.

I was impatient now. I wanted to go back. I wanted to go to Jet Skiing and also down the pleasant peaceful Gondola car. Akka was not moving. She stood transfixed on the viewfinder. I went to her and said. " Lets Go!!". She turned to look at me and quickly motioned me to see through the view finder. I saw. It was focused on a room of some sorts. A man was dragging some luggage on the floor. " Cant you do better than peep in to hotel rooms?" I asked Akka, though I may have done the same thing. "He killed the other guy" stammered Akka. Her face was pale white now. As she said that I looked in to the viewfinder again and this time I noticed, that the person was not dragging some luggage, it was a person. I turned to Akka and said, " now what do we do?" She was as dumbfounded as me. A thought stuck me. I looked in to the viewfinder and zoomed out the view. A big name "Westin" was clearly printed on top of the building. " Its Westin, Lets call them" I said. Akka immediately called a hot line and asked for the phone number of Westin Hotel at Heavenly Village, Lake Tahoe. The operator had barely finished telling the number as I started calling the number.

"Hi, this is an emergency. Please rush to the topmost floor of your building facing South Side, we just saw a murder being committed in a room. The number you can reach back us is ..... and our SSN is .....". That did the trick. The operator though initially cynical was at ease when I gave him my SSN. " We will immediately call the police and send out security upstairs sir!!!" said the operator. Me and Akka looked at each other........we wished we knew what happened next....

***********************
Our trip to the Lake Tahoe was an eventful one. What happens next is already known to you.
The lake Tahoe certainly is one of the most amazing and beautiful places one can visit. I hope I can return to it one day and enjoy it as much as I did this time.......well almost......


This post was partly memoir and partly fiction. A genre of writing which I am trying out nowadays mixing imagination with reality. Please do not consider its contents as true.

17. The Random Jail

This post may seem inspired from the movie "SAW", which seems right, but was not thought along the same lines. The story is with true characters but fictitious.

He slowly opened his eyes to a dimly lit room. It took some time for him to accustom to the lighting of the place he was in. It was surprisingly well furnished. A good couch, a television, refrigerator, kitchen with shelves open - he could see food inside. It seemed like a good place. But now as he grew accustomed to the light, he began to notice other people in the room. There were four of them. Everybody looked about the same age group between 25 to 35. All of them were men. Everybody appeared to be flustered, either reading magazines or watching TV. He didn't recognize this place, he had never been here before. The people around him seemed new. He had never met them. One of them seemed familiar but it could be just his imagination. It was a while before he spoke. " Where am I? and who are all of you. Last I remember I went to bed at home and now when I wake up I am here."

"Welcome to the club" said one of them. " We are exactly in the same situation as you". All of us went to bed last night and now we are here. Just to add some facts, this room is sealed and locked from the outside. The temperature inside is perfect, neither too hot nor too cold. We have food in the kitchen to last us for a couple of weeks. There seems to be no indication or reason of why we are here". "Shit, is this like SAW 2, I don't want to die", he said as soon as he heard the other person mention the information. "Well", said another stocky looking person, " there is no indication or tape or anything at all in this room. In fact everything in this room seems good to live comfortably except for the fact that there is no reason for us being here."

He got up and went around the room for a while and confirmed the fact that the room was indeed a good place to live in. They even had five beds. But why were they here. And, then he wondered who his companions were? A middle aged person got up and said, "okay, lets introduce ourselves, from what I notice, I don't think anybody here knows the other." This seemed like a good idea. They introduced each other. There was brief silence after everybody introduced each other. Amit broke the silence. " All our names peculiarly start with A: Anand, Amit, Aravind, Akhil and Ashwin. What does this mean?". No one in particular had an answer to this question. Two of them were living in the US at Folsom and Houston. Three more were from New Delhi, Bangalore and Chennai. There was a long silence when no one spoke. Everybody was thinking the same thing. Why were such totally unrelated group of people coming from totally different places sitting in a room with each other.

Time passed. Aravind was interested in watching TV a lot. Amit was busy talking to Anand. Akhil was sleeping and Ashwin was doing nothing. Akhil was starting to get restless. He contemplated the idea of breaking the door, there were no windows. Amit and Anand had grown a good rapport with each other. They took it upon them to arrange dinner. Ashwin was the one who was tacit. He spoke less.

There was a clock with date on the wall. It was their only reference to outside world. A good movie " The Shawshank Redemption" kept every body's attention for some time as they watched the movie. There was a growing feeling of camaraderie amongst them. All of them were well placed in good companies. Anand was the vice president of a company in Bangalore.. Amit was working with Intel in Folsom. Ashwin was working in New Delhi for Proctor and Gamble. Aravind was working in Houston for an automobile company and Akhil was in Santa Clara. Being well to do people from different stages in life they began to talk more and discuss good issues and topics from around the world.

It was their third day now that they had been at the same place. Frustration was increasing amongst some of them. Clearly they were getting tired of not knowing why there were locked here. But the only respite was there was no imminent danger visible and the television kept them updated with around the world. Surprisingly it had close to 97 channels. There was no lack of recreation in the room as well. TT tables and snooker table as well.

To strike a conversation with Amit, Anand mentioned, "my nephew works in Folsom too. His name is Dilip". Amit's eyes lit up. " Whats his full name?". " Dilip Seshadri, he joined a few months back." Amit immediately mentioned, " ya I know him, he is a good friend of mineback there." The word "Seshadri" seemed to have an effect on the other three people as well. " Did he go to University of Cincinnati?" asked Aravind who had studied there before he joined work at Houston. "Yes, he did said Anand". "well, well" said Ashwin. " Was he ever in Delhi?" he asked. "Of course, he grew up in Delhi" said Anand. "Pragati Vihar, Andrews Ganj? ". "yes", said Anand his eyes gleaming more now as he realized more people in the room seemed to know him. Akhil, the only one not part of this conversation said. "I guess I have a friend by that name too, but he studied in Hindustan in Chennai, I don't know if I am talking about the same person." " Indeed, he did his undergrad there" mentioned Anand who seemed to know more about Dilip than anybody else in the room.

" This is weird" declared Amit. "Each and every one in this room knows Dilip Seshadri. Could this mean, he imprisoned us?". As soon as he uttered this word, there was a loud noise from somewhere above. There was speaker on the wall above. They had not noticed this before. A cold clear voice said. " Your task in this room was to find the link amongst you 5 people. You have done that. You are free to go, the doors are unlocked."

All of them looked at each other. A few thanked Dilip and a few cursed him as they ambled out of the room, exchanging pleasantries as they left the room. As they went out, Amit wondered " I wondered which set of people are going in next? "

A smile broke across on Dilip's face. His imagination of the above situation had given him plenty of entertainment and enjoyment. He scrolled down his phone book in his cell phone and wondered, which set of people did he want to send in to the mystery room next.

A few clarifications. Five people were sent because, that is all the cell phone displays at one time. The randomness of people is not uncommon. Any five people( continuous in the phone list) are usually unknown to each other. You can try it out too!!!!!!!!! Also there is a contradiction in the fact that though the post is titles "random" it is infact.....ordered (alphabetically) ;).

For an in-depth interesting analysis of the above situation, please visit this.

16. Ath-ma-katha

Ath-ma-katha literally translated means self-story. When I was in sixth standard, I was asked to write an essay in hindi titled "sikkay ki athmakatha" meaning self-story of a coin. Self-story in other words is just an autobiography. The essay traversed the life of a coin (1 rupee coin) as seen by it, right from its creation, and then the way it got passed on from one person to another, until the point where it lay now.
Usually essays had to fill atleast 2 pages, so we had to make it change owners many times :). Well obviously, isnt it? After all, what do you expect the essay to be: the coin was created, put in a bank and it lay there ever since. Great essay.This would fetch you 10 on 10 for intelligence but in reality1-2 marks out of 10 in hindi exam.


So we learn that the seemingly abstract title of this post means autobiography. So what am I driving at? This term actually struck my mind immediately as I was thinking of my coffee mug.


What?


Let me explain. Here I was, one day, drinking mango juice from my coffee mug ( it was, actually is, a pizza hut cup). And since I had nothing in particuar bothering my mind, I started thinking how come this cup is in my hands now? Thats when I thought back and realized, the cup was given to me (for free!!!!) when I had a lot of pizzas at pizza hut with my friends in 2003 ( it was a treat!!). Since then, it lay at home in New Delhi, where I thought my brother may use it. It turned out he was not fascinated by freebies and drunk from his own cup. It was a forgotten cup after which my mom sent it with me when I left US to do masters saying that I would need microwaveable cups. During the course of my masters, I changed homes thrice and guess what, the cup followed( it was brought along to those places too). Then when I got a job, I moved to San Diego for some time and finally came to Folsom, where after 4 months of job, when I was tired after a long week and stared at nothing in specific and glanced at my cup, then......well, you know what happened since.



The long and uninteresting story about the free pizza hut coffee mug teaches us a lesson.



Really? What? That you are better off watching TV and not wondering about unnecessary articles and delve their origins!! Also, please stop bugging us with your stupid blog ideas.



Apologies, that was my alter ego/crtitique, for my blog from another part of me.


So, continuing, I was saying, that it teaches us that everything around us really does have a story. We may or may not be interested in it. I know we are all busy, there are so many things to do. But if we can take a small break and think about nothing in particular and look around us and observe the inanimate things/articles/objects/ belongings(whatever we choose to call it) around us, we will realize that they bring along with them a stream or chain of memories hidden deep within us. Each object has a history or a story to tell. Some may be just new, some really old. There are insignificant ones, but there are also some which were lost with time in our memories, but now suddenly, on thinking about them, we seem to recollect more than it seemed possible. The chain of thoughts could be triggered by any thing, maybe the shirt you are wearing, or the wrist watch, maybe the shoe, or cap, perhaps the plate on which you eat or the pen that you use. I am sure you would be able to remember some dialogue( like your friend saying, this is a horrible pen) or situation( like you hating the selection of this shirt which your aunt got you) which will make you smile or even laugh. Hopefully it shouldn't make you sad.


The purpose of my writing this post is to remind us that memories are one of the most important and beautiful gifts that has been given to us. We dont use it that often. The importance of living in the present has been emphasized a lot in general, but the significance of letting our memories flow and refreshing our minds of the subtle and vivid thoughts,situations and nuances are seldom mentioned. Taking a break from our regular life to indulge in nostalgia of smaller and lesser important situations from our life will surely bring a smile to our faces.

We make sure we remember the grand and important moments of our life, but if we rack our brains, it will tell us the stories of the lesser instances which will not fail to rejuvenate our brain.


As a post script I would like to mention the reason why I chose athmakatha as the title of this post. My post merely wanted to convey that we should try and retrace a few instances of life which are forgotten, but the idea for this post originated when I tried to retrace the life of my coffee mug. Though lifeless, the autobiography of an object or thing can be told, if we look from its point of view, by remembering its past.

15. The Discussion

This post comes straight from my heart. It is a discussion, which I had with different people, with myself and and I wanted to put it into words so that it can be read. Its about brain drain.....!!!

India and The United States of America. Two different countries located on opposite sides of the globe, thousands of miles apart, with difference in culture, habits and thought process. Two countries, one person(me,you or anybody). This is perhaps one of the most common situations many people face. Peope who have a connection with India because of birth, upbringing or citizenship, and who have spent a considerable amount of time in the US. It is here, that the topic of brain drain originates.

The above paragraph was a totally unnecessary definition of brain drain. I admit it now. (I am writing this post in installments). People like me who have come to US to study or work for a while are inevitably faced with this question, should we stay in the US or return to India for good.

Consider this, thousands of people come to US every year. A very huge percentage of them every year take the decision to stay back in the US for good and only visit India once in two years. Why does this happen? What is so mystifyingly magnetic about this place that attracts so many people to come and stick to it, without thinking about going back to their motherland? I have here in this post, tried to have a small discussion. I call this a discussion because it has both sides of the coin. You can call it the observations of a clear mind or the rantings of a confused mind....

Abundunt money, a high quality life, new activities not possible in India, quality of work, dignity of labor, a suave, stylish lifestyle, are, to name few "attractions "(mentioned by Vikram) which greet people when they set foot on this land of opportunities. Why then, would anyone want to

return to India? It is a question worth asking. I asked this to myself. It was a tough one to answer. What is it that I miss here, that I can find only at home, in India, which compels me to return. What do you think? Is there something for you? The answer to my question to myself lies in my first blog " The most important thing in life" . Food, used to be a strong motivation for many people back in earlier times, but now you cannot complain of food as a reason for pulling people back to India because whatever you find in any roadside chat corner or dhaba or Saravanna Bhawan, you find it here in the US. So, coming back to the point, the answer to the question for me is, my family. My father, mother, brother and not to mention all my relatives who form the backbone and foundation for my yesteryears, without whom my memories would be zilch.

A simple counter argument would be, parents can come to US, they can stay here too. Yes, very true. That indeed is a possible option. Parents can spend half an year with us in US and rest half in India. But the not so evident and more important fact is, they may not like being here.

Ok, given they do, they cannot do it often, or stay here happily as time progress, in short as they age. It is okay for all of us to worry about our live, our carrier, our future, wife, children and so on. But the essence of life will be lost on us. We will in time if not now, think and realize that our true treasures lie not in money or fame or fun, but in people who love us. Family does form our essence of life. Imagine we have a bad dream and wake up in the middle of the night. We look for people who can comfort us, people we miss. But alas sitting thousands and thousands of miles away from them, does not help us.

Quality of life is determined by the happiness of mind summed over our entire life. Happiness in the present and near future does not imply lifelong happiness. It is with this math, that my decision tilts towards the fact that I decide to return to India for good. Why did I come here in the first place, that is a point worth questioning? The answer is, to experience, the culture, the natural wonders, the lifestyle of one of the most advanced nations of the world. To see things from a different perspective, to grow, and learn that life is not only the way we have seen until now.

It is easy to say my post is biased. Well, what else can you expect, with the decision I made. I have found all kinds of happiness here in United states, from seeing wonderful places to experiencing thrill and fun as I can never imagine in India. It is a beautiful dream to live in the US, but a vacuous one nevertheless, for it has color, life, verve but no soul. Ahaa, I forgot, a new school of thought has developed over the recent years. Stay here until you get a green card and return to India. Hmm, interesting, intelligent too, I do want to be a critic, but, like I have done throughout my entire blog, I want to present my point of view. It is a good idea but not for me, because, I want to enjoy time with my family as I did when I was young. To play cricket with my dad, to eat thrice a day from my mom demanding more than what she makes, to go watch a movie with my brother when he comes from college. These moments I want, regular and often. Not as once in a lifetime happenings. Five to ten years down the line, it will be a little late to expect this a lot. So, for me, the time is now.

This is the last paragraph of this post, and I want to focus on another aspect. Compromises. What of the many compromises that I will have to make to settle in India. Beaurcarcy, Red Tapism, Sycophancy, Corruption, Indiscipline. Am I ready to compromise?

Yes, everything comes with a price. As Shah Rukh Khan puts it aptly in Baazigar " Kuch Paane ke Liye Kuch Khona Padtha Hai". As I end my post here, I want to add a footnote, one of my dear friends, (name witheld), with whom I have had innumerable discussions, disagrees on all points I have discussed in this post. Though initially surprised, I realized that indeed, for him, staying in US is a better option. Why so, because, his parents enjoy US and want to stay here more than they want to be in India. Well ,he has a point!!!

It was then I came to the conclusion of my discussion.

Conclusion:

Every individual has a delicate balance of factors in the equation of the brain-drain situation. Giving weightages (priorities) to different values will change the decision whether to stay in the US or stay in India. It is person dependent. As simple as that.
Here is a representation.

Decision = (US is great!! factor)*A + (money situation factor) * B + (Career situation factor)*C + ( Future Interest factor) * D+ (India disliking factor)*E+(any other factors) *F - ( parents situation factor) *Z -(I love India!! factor) * Y - ( other factors)*X.

If decision greater 1, stay in US,
if decision less than 1, go to India
if decision==1, go stay in Africa :)

Well as you can see, a typical engineers brain at work. At the end of it you can say: that was a lucid and eye opening discussion or,

well, we are back to square one, where we began :)

Take Care,

Dilip

14. Dangling Pointers.....

A lot of us have used C++ or even C. Some of us may be too familiar with pointers in C++. They point to a memory location. The memory location stores some value. Pointers are an extremely important part of programming. They help us in performing many operations efficiently. But it is important to always point the pointer to a memory location. removing a memory location will leave the pointer dangling with no memory location to point to. This means that the pointer exists but doesn't point to anything. Using constructors in classes without using destructors also creates a similar effect.

OK, enough. What was all that? Why did I just write that? Coz that was related to some thought that struck me. Dangling pointers in our head. Inside my head. There have been people in my life who existed, whom I spent time with, but now, they are nothing more than just memories. Somewhere, somehow, I have lost all my connections with them. Result being, they exist only in my memory like a ghost, with no idea about who, how and where they are now. They occupy space in the memory but don't point to any real people. Its not one, or two such people, but many.

I do not know how many people will agree with me that this happens to them. I know this happens to some people. The vacant space that remains, just....................remains. Amidst the fast moving life, we pause for a second, quiet, hearing no sound, seeing nothing and think, imagine and remember the moments we spent with them. Silence, that's what greets us. But we then are jolted back to current life when someone calls us, or the phone rings or we something move. That was just a short lesson on dangling pointers.

Funny how so many theoretical phenomenon, terms and technical jargon's that we use are somehow related to our lives. We just dont realize......

13. This too shall pass

Its been a long hiatus, but a good one nevertheless. I had so many things that I wanted to blog about, but I restrained. I waited, until I finished my thesis and got a job. And here I am finally writing my latest entry in to my blog.

I have always liked blogging, it really is a useful excercise. My post today focuses on another basic fact of life which we do not acknowledge. I promise to come up with a new and exciting blog next time around. But for now, this is it.

All of us are faced with situations with our backs against the wall. The deepest, toughest positions, much tougher than what we have faced before. And, we have felt, that this is it, it cant get any lower than this, but much to our amazement, something worse does happen :) So happens next? Really, what happens next?

The answer to that question is thankfully optimistic. Things get better. A friend of mine once said to me "we underestimate ourselves, in reality all of us have the power and strength to overcome the biggest of obstacles, even if we feel we cannot, if we just hang on, we will overcome it". I didnt know that this was one of the biggest truths that I had discovered. Indeed we are all omnipotent. We have the energy,power and strength to do or overcome whatever we want. A pessimist would say, a successful person will always say so, yes the pessimist is right, we do not completely understand the statement until we go over the hill.

Time is the single most powerful element in all our lives, but it is slow or fast depending on how we feel. But everything comes to an end. My mom kept saying this: "its never always night, days and night alternate", it used to a trite and useless statement to me for a long time, until the day really dawned, the most beautiful day.

I really do not want to write a boring and long blog giving sermons on life, but i certainly wanted to pass this message to all those who are struggling, in a situation without hope and dull, that this too shall pass. It will. Just hang on!!!!!!

12. A Glimpse of 'the' Jigsaw...

I saw it for a brief moment. A very short time. Perhaps lesser than the blinking time of the eye....and then, it was gone....whoosh!!! It vanished. I wonder when I shall see it again. I keep recollecting what I saw and try to reconstruct it, but somehow, it hardly looks like what I saw........

You may be wondering what I saw? What I saw was very personal. But you may see one too, relevant to you....The Jigsaw. The million pieces which make it...."Life". Perhaps, if you have read my earlier posts, you may realise my posts tend to have a dose of philosophy. Pondering over and over again many times, I realised, life is a jigsaw. I know there are many analogies which have been put forth for life, but this is different, because I saw it that way.

This is not the normal jigsaw puzzle that we have played with since childhood. The real picture is not known to us in this. The number of pieces are...like I mentioned earlier,......a million. All the people, near and close, enemies, traitors, events, accidents, deja vus, success and failure all are parts of the puzzle. We never seem to know why things happen and what do they mean.

But, the reason I write this post is not to explain about the Jigsaw puzzle, its about the glimpse I had of the real picture. All of us pretty much blindly follow our daily chores and not tend to think too deeply in to whats happening. But it happens to us, a moment of clarity amidst confusion and mayhem, when we suddenly understand why everything happened, why certain people came in to our lives, and went out of it. "Everything happens for a reason", the cliche....is true...but not everyone realises why. Now coming back to the glimpse. I saw it only for a brief moment, but it goes away, no matter how hard i think and recollect I am not able to think what I saw. The moment of clarity is gone. But it leaves a soothing feeling behind, which makes you happy....it made me happy too.....a bliss!!!

Meditation is very underestimated. Very few people practice it. But mental peace and calmness is an essential ingredient of life. In a busy, fast paced, result oriented life of today, spending time to pray, meditate and think calmly seem like a waste of time. But, finally, I am sure, all the other busy and important things arent as important as this. Somewhere down the line when all of us search frantically for our "picture" of the jigsaw, we shall know, the answer lies, hidden, in the back of the mind....and it wont come out until it is silent outside.......

11. Chaos !!!!!

This post comes from inside my brain. It has no morals or lessons attached to it.

The brain is an amazing source. It can think, memorise and do such wonderful and nasty things that its power is not percieveable. But it gets confused now and then. My brain is, in simple words..."confused".

The number of emotions, thoughts and feelings in mind are so many and so different, that I cannot write, say or express them in blog or in person. Usually I do not blog my mental picture, but here I am doing it. Perhaps because I really want to capture this frame of my mind for future, so that I can look at it and smile later. Every now and then, we all get confused and perplexed, but for me, this is perhaps the peak. I have never felt so many things at the same time before.

Positive : Yes, I can do it. The future looks good, so many things to look forward to. Cross this barrier and you are through.

Negative : Every thing in this world is against me. All the worst things have happened to me. I have screwed up my life. God, why did you do this to me?

Sentimental : I should have never said that. I really dont think I want this moment to go away. I cannot ever dream of a life without that. My watch stopped working, I dont know how I am going to live without it. It is the only watch which I used for all the exams in my life.

Nostalgic : I wish those college days could come back. I wish the tension-free school life can return. I wish I can go back to the days, when my mom used to bring food in plate to me three times a day.

Angry : I would break his head if I get a chance. Damn!! this is so bad. Well to be frank, anger produces actions more than words......

Lazy : I dont want to get up ever. I wish I could sleep for 2 more hours. I dont want to go to work, or school or even cook.

Energetic : Come on, get up and dance all of you. Whats wrong.....!!!!

Calm : shhhh....dont talk.....let me enjoy the silence. Gosh, why does that fan have to make so much sound!!!

Relegious : Bhaja Govindam!!!, Vakara Thunda, Hanuman chalisa......

Hungry : I want to eat cheese fries, mutter paneer, mysore pakku, lemon rice, aalo paratha....

Well, perhaps the number of emotions I feel are, believe me, many many more. Its nothing different or strange. But what is unnerving to me, is that, I am feeling them all in the same day nowadays. It is too much to take. I wont blame it on the age. Perhaps the factors- pressure, atmosphere, uncertainity of future, lack of support and fear of lonliness have brought about so many things in my mind.

When I began my thesis, some time back, I wrote a post, it was on the lighter side and funny (http://sdilip.blogspot.com/2006/02/3a-phenomenon-called-thesis.html), but situations arent always funny are they? They are like this now. I wonder how many people felt, feel or will feel this way....maybe everyone...maybe no one.......

10. A Complaint to God....

Dear God,

I guess you may not be expecting this letter. But nevertheless, I had to write this to you. I dont know if others have asked you this, but, what I write is what i feel strongly and decided to put it in words and let you know that you have not been fair.

I am not pretty, I have scales on my body. People hate the sight of me. I dont have legs, I dont have hands. I commute to all places on my stomach, wriggling,slithering. Its a tough life. All other forms of life have legs or atleast better features than me. Why me? Why did you single out me to suffer the humiliation and pain. I am by no means likeable. People jump, shriek when they see me. I am rarely a pet. I have to swallow my food. I dont like my life. Its not nice. There are many similarities amongst all other forms of life. Did you hate me a lot, why did you give me this form? Snake, what a name..ha...it is used as a negative influence in all forms. Even J.K Rowling made a symbol of Lord Voldermort, the symbol of evil. I cannot hear....Sight is perhaps the only good sense I have.

Well, I am proud that I am poisioness, but what is the use? Its only used to scare people away. I relly detest this living.I want you to tell me WHY was I supposed to be like this? I wish I was able to walk, run and move majestically instead of being sneaky. And to top it all, I look simply horrible. Wierd colors, scary looking designs, I just look straight out of a horror movie...

I wish, I was never created........and I will never be happy with you for doing this to me....

Yours Sincerely,
Snake aka Serpent

Sometimes, strange things happen. Yes, like this letter. Though the letter was not the type a real snake would type. The complaints nevertheless were heartfelt by this poor snake. The letter did reach god. There was some confusion amongst gods, as to whether a reply was due to the snake or not. Lord Shankar (Shivan) decided he would take upon him the task to reply to the snake. Following which, he wrote the letter and delivered outside the snake's pit. The snake was happy to find the reply. Here it is.......


Dearest Nagaraj,

I was happy to recieve the letter from you but sad to know that you were not happy. Perhaps you have not viewed things in the right perspective. You saw yourself very narrow mindedly. You are one of the most majestic creatures. The fact that you do not have feet and hands like other creatures is your uniquness. You are the only possible creature which can coil and be cozy. The designs on your body are perhaps the latest in fashion. The wonderful colors which make up your body are envied by a lot of creatures.

When you lift your head up and look piercingly at anybody, people rever you. The movement that you possess, lateral undulation is the most complicated, difficult and stylish moves possible, and you do it effortlessly. Humans are vainful. They do not realize that you are harmless until they instigate you. Depiction of evil is just a mistake. "Evil" is a trait which you posses if your thoughts or actions lead to suffering,misery, pain or sadness to yourself or others. "Human" is perhaps the most evil creature because, he is responsible for his actions. He has more power to think. To perform a deed which is wrong despite knowing it is wrong is "evil", and no one is more evil in this respect than human. You are harmless. It is foolishness on his part to depict evil through you in fiction, when it is him who is the most evil.

And let me tell you a very important thing. You, are extremely dear to me. You do not realize your importance. I did not give you hands or legs so that you can always be beside me, coiled around my own neck. What better place could I have given to you? Had you got hands or legs, you would not have been able to coil yourself around my neck. You are my symbol, not evil's. Be proud and keep smiling.

Take care,
with you always,
Shiva.


Perhaps, all of us have some meaning and reason for our existence and forms. It is left to us to understand why we are born in the specific form, place, or surroundings. Life is a puzzle, mystery left by god for us to solve and find the true meaning of our existence.

9. Terror !!!

The following story is fictitious and resembles no person living or dead.

HEADLINES, JUNE 23rd, The Times of India: Blasts rock Homes of Ministers in Delhi, Bihar, Tamil nadu, West Bengal and Gujarat. Several Ministers feared dead.

In a unforeseen turn of events, 8 blasts rocked the houses of the chief ministers of Bihar, West Bengal and Gujarat and the chief ministers have been feared dead. The education minister, home minister and external affairs ministers have also been feared dead in the separate incidents of bomb explosion which occurred within a gap of 1 hour in all the places.
Similar bombs exploded in the near the houses of ministers in Tamil Nadu and Delhi, but the ministers were away from home thereby escaping the fatal explosion. The involvement of some foreign terrorist agency is suspected and the police and along with CBI are working to find the group involved in these blast. The series of blasts started when…..

CBI Headquarters , Delhi, 23rd June : The chief commissioner of police, the commander of armed forces along with the head of the CBI held a meeting to dicuss the blasts. Chief commissioner Rathod couldn’t hide his frustration, “ 8 bloody blasts within 1 day and no clue of who the hell is responsible for this? We are all going to be sacked for this!!!”. “ Lets just pin it on al-Qaeda or some other terrorist organization, make a few arrests on random and say we have got a lead!!!” suggested the secretary of CBI. “who ever caused the blasts was very clever, but I don’t see any reason why he should do it!!” said the head of CBI.

The atmosphere was glum, everybody tense. The police and the investigation squad were searching the location of the blasts in all places frantically in the hope of some evidence. A nation-wide emergency was declared by the president. A nationwide Bandh was also declared. Schools and other public institutions were closed for a week. Work had to be done fast to find out who was responsible.


Undisclosed location, June 24th, 7:00am: the phone rang at last. He picked up the phone, “yes, I saw the news, I am happy with all the results; the rest of the 20 million bucks will be wired to you. Keep up the good work and stay in hiding. Remember, 5 more blasts remain. After which your 50 million will be wired. Best of luck” the phone hung up.


Undisclosed location, June 25th, 6:30 pm: “Sir! We have found some crucial evidence as to who might have caused the blasts. Come, have a look” yelled the senior official of CBI. The head of CBI, Mr Das, was in no mood for more phony clues, he just grumbled something in his mouth.
But indeed valuable progress had been made. One of the bombs had been recovered; it was a platinum bomb, the latest technology, costed millions, simple, quiet, small and capable of exploding 50 acres of land. The terrorist agency was powerful and rich. Also found along with the bomb was a critical clue....


Chambal Ghats, Uttar Pradesh, June 26th, 3:46am : The sniffer dogs sniffed madly, barking , running faster. Lieutenant Commando Ranvir knew, they were very near to the location. Suddenly he paused, he stopped all his commandos and dogs and made a phone call. He had seen the lights in a small tent far away. “ All units, we need back up here, this might be dangerous!!”.


Undisclosed Prison, Madhya Pradesh, June 30th: “ Its no use, sir”, panted the commando. We have tortured them for past 3 days and they wont say a word. Sweat poured down the chief’s forehead. We have to do something. The pressure is increasing from above. We have checked all their belonging, didnt you find any leads yet?


CBI head quarters, New Delhi, July 2nd, 2:39 am: “Our boys have done it sir!!” yelped Khan with joy, “ the number we found from their custody was a bank account number. Our guys are working on it sir, we have narrowed it down to 5 banks. We shall soon know which account it was from and who depositing money in it.” The head of CBI gave a faint smile. He knew the turmoil will be over soon. The terrorist organization will be identified. But still the danger had not subsided. They had to apprehend the group. But the protocol and methodology will be difficult.
The phone rang, the head picked up the phone within 2 rings, “ Das here, whats the update? “. There was a brief message from the other end and Head of CBI Das replaced the receiver and smiled. “Bank of America” he said.


Twin cities, Minessota, USA, July 2nd 8 pm : The FBI barged in to his house. He had just got out of his swimming pool. A silent arrest was made. He made no attempts to run. He had a wry smile on his face.


HEADLINES, The Wall Street journal, and The Times of India: In an unexpected and shocking development, the CEO of one of the top multi national companies “Merivon”, Mr Desai has been arrested for acts of terrorism on various places in India. He has been kept in custody and will be deported to India where he will be tried for. The government of India has expressed relief and appreciation for the assistance provided by the federal government in apprehending the criminal.


Excerpt, interview with Mr Desai, CEO, Merivon and accused for blasts in India.

Interviewer : “ Sir, you have been a successful entrepreneur and visionary for the last 2 decades in the USA as well as in India, what prompted you to commit such a heinous act of terrorism in your own motherland? You owe us an explanation before you are executed next week”

Mr Desai’s answer :
“I was brought up in India. I cannot begin to explain the problems i faced in my childhood because of the various stupid government policies. I respect out country a lot but the only thing I hate about it is Corruption. To some extent I was inspired by the movie “Indian”. To remove corruption from the roots, we have to make a radical change. Movies like Rang de Basanti, Anniyan have also had similar ideas. I was sick of all the corruption in India. Though I am was in a comfortable post in Merivon, but I too was the victim of bad crimes in India including my family who suffered at the hands of corrupt officials.
I love my work and I have lots of money in shares. I knew where to invest. “In killing.” I wanted to kill corruption. From the higher level to the lowest. And I know I have made a beginning. More blasts will follow, but you can do nothing about it. As long as there is corruption, blasts will continue. I knew I could use my money power for eradicating the phenomenon called corruption. Have you heard the saying, “ evil kills itself”, I used that, I used the corruption in India to gain access in to the homes of the ministers.
India has to rise and shine and it will. Jai Hind!!”

Interviewer : Though your thoughts of removing corruption were wise, but the method you employed was nonetheless wrong. As much as you hate corruption, there are many sincere officers in India, who work for their country, because of whom you are here today Mr Desai. They have worked day and night last 2 weeks to find you and capture you, Don’t underestimate the power of this country Mr. Desai”.

Mr Desai : “ I am glad I was caught, I appreciate those officers for their sincerity!”

8. Creators

These species are very very rare. They exist around us, but we rarely appreciate and recognize them. Yes, I am talking about creators. Who are creators and what am I talking about? Well, I came about writing this post because I am often in awe of various people like Dan Brown, JK Rowling etc.

Creativity, is orginality in thought or action which provokes, kindles and nurtures thoughts in the minds of a large population. In the early days, Great scientists discovered and proposed theories which are to shape todays world. Albert Einstein, Sir Issac Newton and the plethora of scientists who make our life today as it is, were also simple humans like us, but with a diffrent frame of mind, different perpective. They were able to create, discover and propose ideas which were initially shunned but gradually accepeted and appreciated by almost the whole world. That is the reason why they live on...even today as legends. I am not talking only about science, even people like Stalin, Da Vinci, Arthur Conan Doyle, the list of names is enormous and I am only mentioning a few randomly to try to show the different fields there exist for creativity.

These great pioneers have left an indelible mark on the world, on us, forvever, thorough their ideas and creativity. Yes, yes we all know about these things. But again I ask,(on behalf of you), what am I talking about? Well, what got me in to thinking in all this is the movie Da Vinci Code. I am not here to comment about the movie, you can judge it youselves.

I was surprised at the craze and enthusiasm the movie had created. In reality it was because of the novel. I was left wondering how can one person (Dan Brown) can create movement,excitement, initaite discussions and arguements about what he percieved. He is a "creator".

Any person capable of influencing the masses and people to such an extent according to me is a creator, may it be for the worse or better. J.K Rowling's creation of the fantasy world of Harry Potter achieved such fan following, that you can only wonder, how the old lady conjured the whole scenario in her mind. She is a "creator". Yes, I know these are literary people. But what I mean is, there do exist, people, even today capable of moving, and capturing the imagination of the world.
Amazing discoveries are not tangible nowadays. No one seems to be coming up with D=Pc cube( imaginary) or equations which influence the world. But there do exist scientists even today who are devising unimaginable theories and concepts in their mind. It is not as tangible as the yesteryears.

One of my previous posts talked about AR Rahman, who has achieved such great laurels in music. He is a "creator". "Creators" exist even in the present world much like the ones in the past. Their inventions, thoughts and ideas may not affect the way we live. But they do affect us in some way or the other. The creators are people who have dedicated a significant portion of their lives to their passion, and ideas. But the irony is, they exist all around us. In fact the talented and creative people in India are so many, but unfortunately, they dont have the financial backing or atmosphere to infleunce the people around them.
"Creators" are everywhere. Maybe even in you. But alas, it is not recognised. Uniqueness is a gift god created and left to explore by man. Those who did are legends and those who dont are mortals like me who write blogs.

P.S : The two bold statements in the post are contradictory, yet true.

The chain story....

continued from here ....

His home wasn't far away, just a few more minutes and he would be home. It had been a tiring day, but he was still full of energy. He knew when he reaches home, all his tiredness would be gone. The sun was setting down in to the horizon.

The old man waited for a minute to admire the setting sun. It too looked tired and wanting to go away. But just like him, it spread a wonderful light around, the bluish skies. He paused, smiled. His wrinkles were visible now, more so because he was smiling. Twenty years, he had waited for this day. All the planning, efforts and dedication was going to be rewarded today. He only wished his beloved wife was still with him. He suddenly felt lonely without her company beside him. She had been a great source of support and inspiration. But alas she would not be beside him to witness their day of truimph. But she was always there in his heart.

The path was still not clean, dirty mud, and sharp stones lay around here and there. A rattlesnake slithered past in front of him. Anybody else would have jumped back a few steps and shrieked but not him. He had bigger things in mind than a small snake. Afterall, they were a part of nature too.
He could almost see his house now. The chimney stood tall amongst the green trees all around. He checked his pockets. Yes, the purse was intact. He checked his watch. 6:57pm. It had taken him 3 mintues lesser than it usually took to reach. The small idol of lord Ganesha propped against the old banyan tree seemed to smile at him. He bowed, said a silent prayer and thanks to the elephant god and opened the big iron gates to his house- "the vasanth grah". He had reached his house.

To be continued here...

7. I am Powerful, or am I?

The post is as vague as the title. The discussion in it is very subtle and confusing, but I hope it makes some sense in some way for different people.

As a brief introduction behind the post, I would like to say a few things as to why I started writing this. As a kid and as I grew up, a strange thought, a strange feeling gripped me. It used to be there only for a few seconds and then it vanished. Sounds strange like a fantasy. But well, It is perhaps not that weird. I am not sure how many people can relate with this. But first after this murky introduction, let me try to put in words, a thought......

Everyday, I wake up do my daily chores, smile, laugh, enjoy, feel sad ( well not everyday), and go through millions of emotions and feelings. My life, my destiny, my luck are all mine. This means, what I am experiencing is only limited to me. But amongst these emotions and feelings which are mine, there is a split second moment when I feel, "I" am just a soul trapped in this body. Had "I", which is still an entity been in place of anybody else, how would "I" be? Will i react and respond the same way. The person, entity, or existence of a beiing is in reality of the "soul". Thus, the me being which I am, I feel, I can be some one else too. In other words, is me, the thoughts, feelings and emotions a combined entity called soul, trapped inside the body which is percieved to the world as "Dilip".

Can I control the world, if it I wasnt inside the body, but an entity existing outside the realm of the mortals called "humans". Put in a crude form, can I be "GOD"? The power to enter any person and control their behavior. Perhaps over the centuries, rulers and people in powerful positions have seeked to obtain the unreachable.."ulitmate power" and failed. Time and again man has been reminded that, there is nothing in the hands of mortals like us. Man has fanticized the thought again and again thereby creating superheros like Superman and Batman. But well, all that is imagination. But coming back to the question which comes back to me time and again. " Can I be someone else if not me ?" afterall, i am just a person, like many other like........a drop water in an ocean. What defines, sustains and terminates my existence. In day to day life, we are so busy, that we dont think of such wierd/diffrent things, but well, the thought comes to me now and then.

On a completely diffrent note, but still sustaining the conversation, I would like to share something that i realised. The power of the self as an individual, is underestimated a lot. We can achieve literally anything we want. It is all in our mind, our subconscious mind. Winninng from a hopeless situation, surviving from a tough ordeal, recovering from a deadly disease, and achieveing other such miracles are all the truimph of the mind, and soul of an individual. I came to realize that under any situation, it is upto us to decide, how we want out lives to go.
"There is a choice to make in our lives......the easy way and the right way..." . The soul or the entity which I have been talking about, well, It is very powerful, if you want it to be.

I realise that the thoughts and idea that I wanted to put through werent very clear, in fact, it is contradicting and hazy. But I thought, I will publish it just as well, to take it off my mind. And finally, I would like to end by saying that I like all of us, am a strong believer in god,......the superpower who devises, controls and directs all of us.....for our own good. Thank you god.......

6. a diffrent perspective...

The following post is purely fictional, and does not bear any resemblance to any person living or dead.

He was liked by everybody. A smart,handsome guy with a lot of ego perhaps. Jack Sundaram was the hero. He lived with his uncle, as his parents did not care about him.Having a group of 10 close friends was not easy. Politics cropped up amongst them, now and then, but were sorted out amicably.

Our trip to Canoe valley, Spring Meadows was a planned one.Jack's uncle's hilltop cottage was a scenic place. We never imagined we could go to such a wonderful place for a holiday. Sameer, Ricky, Vinod, Shaam, Rohan, Subbu, PK , Hans and me went over to his cottage. Playing cards,watching movies, playing cricket on the balcony of the cottage was fun. Every time a ball was hit hard, it used to fall in to the waters below. Jack was aware of this and had kept dozen of ball stored for us to play.

Food was perhaps the only thing that was not spectacular. Canned stuff which we microwaved, or cooked for ourselves. Ricky was an awesome painter, he always used to walk down the valley and painted beautiful pictures of the waterfalls, valley and the cottage. Shaam and Jack never got along well. There wasnt a day when they didnt fight. Vinod was my roomate, he always snored all night.Hans and PK always drank more than needed. In all, it was satisfying trip until the 9th day. The balcony wood was not considered safe any more, Constant rain had made it weak. So we all decided against playing cricket there any more. But it didnt stop us from enjoying the wonderful scenery from the balcony, carefully, making sure that we didnt lean on the ledge. It was Thursday night. All of us watched "omen", a horror movie appropriate for the spooky night which surrounded us. Making fun and scaring each other we all went to our rooms, wondering who will be killed tonight. Little did we know, that the next day morning, would be a day, we would never forget. Jack Sundaram had died. He had gone to the balcony as he did every night to talk to Dolly his girlfriend on phone.

He had leaned a bit too much on the parapet and it crumbled under his weight. Stocky and muscular, he tried to hang on the ledge even after it broke, but he feel deep in to the gorge. His body was recovered, but it was not a sight to be seen. Police did its share of investigation. I was shocked to the core. Couldn't speak a word the whole day. I just keep muttering,"this is not true". Sameer was a big comfort, he knew I was the weakest in the group, and was beside me the whole day. Vinod kept mum throughout the day, moody and silent. Shaam did not seem very upset, but he never liked Jack much.

All of us left for home the next day. But it was a week later when news spread that Jack death was not an accident but a murder. Some one had pushed him from the ledge. Fear shot in to all of us. We knew it was one of us. I was scared to the core.


It was a cold ,dark place. I was sitting in the corner of the room. Beautiful horses slept peacefully in their stable. It was cold but I was sweating, the sweat mixed with my tears and made me feel horrible. I should not have done that. But what could I do. He had ruined my life,wasted 1 yr of my life, how much humiliation I had suffered because of him. Slapping and thrashing a junior was not a big thing, but he complained to the principal and got me suspended. I had to waste an year sitting at home. Apologise in front of the whole college. I was made to stand on stage and humiliated. People smirked and laughed at me. I knew I couldnt do anything. Then I knew, I had to get back at him. I acted as though I was repenting, befriended the guy who spoilt my life. 1 yr of being with him without him knowing that I nursed a grudge against him was not easy.

I "scarred" my skin in anger so many times, but I was patient. I decided this trip had to be it. I knew Jack spoke on Phone long after evreyone went to sleep. I had to take the chance. I woke up and went to him. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. I told him he had ruined my 1 yr and then I pushed. He was heavier than i expected and clever too. He hung to the ledge, but before he could call out , I stamped on the ledge and let it fall. I thought I had the job well covered. But when I went back to bed, I knew Vinod was awake. He was not snoring.
I knew he suspected me. Now things had changed, how did I expect the police to not find out, I didnt know. Vinod was the only one who could point me out. Noone else knew of my past with Jack. The horses were still sleeping peacefully and so was Vinod in his house. Unaware that I was in his father's horse stable. I had to kill him before tomorrow morning, The knife in my hand gleamed in the moonshine. I called Vinod and asked him to come out to talk to me as I was scared. He said he would come taking the pretext that he wanted fresh air. He was going to come, and I was waiting......

I am in jail now. Vinod was clever enough to call the police with him. I was not sure if he knew i killed Jack, but in fact he has known all along and did not want to spoil my life. But he realised I was upto no good.

Jack wasted my 1 yr, but Vinod wasted my life. Wait till I get out and kill him!!

MORAL : SOME PEOPLE NEVER UNDERSTAND.........

5.Phir bhi dil hai hindustani...

The comments and ideas in the following post are meant for fun and not to be taken seriously. But comments are welcome. The inclination towards south India is a weakness of the author, considering his background. Discretion advised.

In the past two decades, India has shown tremendous advancements in the field of fashion, sports, entertainement, cinema, medicine and so on. To enlist and expand on its achievements is too big a task. Sachin,Big B, Arundati, Rohit Bal, AR Rahman, Sania Mirza, the list of Indian greats is awesome. But if u are imagining this post is about the achievements and glory India has brought about, I am sorry to dissapoint you. You may stop reading this and continue to do what you were doing before reading this. Because this post is a tribute to appreciate the unsung, subtle, unexplained heros of India who are compete with the very best in the world.

Beginning with music, I would like to emphasize the importance and significance of music greats like anu malik and then isai thendal(honey music breeze) deva have added to the world. Their foot tapping and head shaking music have enthralled one and all. "Ganna" an amazing genre of music was added to the world of music by none other than honey music breeze. As we listen and appreciate in awe to the original scores composed by these greats we can only hope bryan adams and britney spears can learn a thing or two from them.

And what about movies, "matrix" an sci-fi super hit was inspired by the stunts of none other than south indian superstar "Vijaykanth" who flew, sliced,smiled, and conquered the hearts of countless people. The flying sequences, and mid air fights till this day remain a tribute to our very own captian aka vijay kanth.

Style has no comparison, Ramaraj, who flaunted colorful attire which dazzled peoples eyes with brightness, Senthil whose trade mark underpants were a sensation, Raj kiran and Napolean whose underwear revealing dhotis still haunt the superstars of the west. Tom Cruise needs to recheck his wardrobe to capture the imagination of masses while our very own champions are there.

Superheros and comics are not far behind. Superman and spiderman were recently seeing meeting up Shaktiman to get tips on battling villains of the world. Bill Gates himself was inspired to make faster computers from chacha chaudary the remarkable character whose brain works faster than a computer.

Baseball,football and cricket are not Indian games. They originated from diffrent countires. Indian dominance in olympics is yet to be seen because of refusal by other countries to participate in games originated by us. Hand cricket, kabaddi, kho-kho, gilli danda are yet to get official acceptance by the olympics committee. It wont be far before we amass Gold medals in these events only to put US and China to shame.

Jokes apart, it wont be far when you will find the craze of the world shifting. The number of tourists visiting India have increased manifolds. Hindu gods are gaining more recognition. It wont be long when you will wlk up to Wendys and say "a sambar vada combo" and " a chilled rasam", Cameron Diaz will go to oscars wearing a salwar kameez, Pierce Brosnan will say "Palmolive ka jawab nahin", car models will be called "Honda Takkar", Friends serial will be called "dosti" and University of Cincinnati will change its mascot to "ganeshji". Would you like to live in a place like that? How I wish I could ;)

P.S : People who dont believe me check out this link to get some idea of what I am talking about. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2881728288815246973

4.a question of talent..

The reason why I wanted to write this blog was because I wanted to think and ponder and think again as to how people manage to create music? Frankly, I am big fan of tamil music. A.R Rehman, Harris Jeyaraj, are the contemporary greats according to me. Ofcourse I have enjoyed music from yerster years immensly too.

So while I sit listening to the songs, singing along with them in bathroom, kitchen, classroom, lab, road, I imagine how it would be if I were to compose a song. So what do I do? Start humming an "original" tune, and what comes out. A parody of all the songs I know. You wouldnt want to hear it, you would rather prefer to be a deaf person. Really, I cannot drive home how difficult it is to even able to generate a line of music, forget a stanza. I cannot even start to tell you how much effect music and songs have in my life. Songs have an amazing capability to revive memories, make you sleep, brighten your mood, give inspiration.

A small story will emphasize the fact furthur. On a trip to the Mammoth caves in Kentucky, a cave guide told me an anecdote about a man, an enthusiastic photographer, who was left behind in cave tour and spent a whole night in complete darkness. The person, luckily survived as he was found the next day, almost on the verge of insanity. And when asked,what was the most horrible thing about being left alone in the cave, the young man was quick to reply "silence". He had spent the whole night singing all songs he had ever known.

Given a chance to be alone, songs would be my best companion. Musing over all this, I wondered how do the music directors create music, the right blend of instruments, notes, pitch,bass,treble, and the most important of all "raagam"(excuse me in case u feel this is the same as notes). People who have learned music(classical) may have a diffrent view and may find creating music a bit tangible, but as a common music listener, I can only ponder in awe as to how these artists can compose such melodies tunes.And I also wonder if the music directors enjoy the music they create as much as we listeners? Coz if they dont, I wouldnt like to be a composer in my next birth.

The lack of talent to create music has also been a cause of worry to me and my family as we(my mom dad brother and me) dont have a family song, which we can sing in case we get lost in a mela("fair"). Do you have one..;)

3.a phenomenon called thesis

It comes once in a graduate student's life. sometimes it evades people who are studying in universities other than cincinnati. but once it comes..it takes a long time to let go of people....
the thesis fever has caught me too of late...

there is something wonderful about thesis which makes me watch the most crappiest of movies, play stupid games on computer, sleep longer, try beard styles,go shopping, eat more, sleep again, even clean my room and shelf. When ever my mom enquires the status of my thesis, I find my self saying.." u know ma what happened yesterday"..and telling a story to steer away from the question. When I meet my advisor I talk about the weather,sports, stock index, life and walk out sneering that I didnt talk about thesis.(please dont forward this to my advisor!!).It sure is a phenomenon. It is at this stage that i am experiencing it I have no clue how others must have felt, but i guess they would have felt the same too.

there are two kind of people who combat this. Take it as a way of life and do a Phd.....whew...i cant believe these super heros really can do this for 2 or 3 years. 6 months is about a recommended time for a masters student complete it. I guess everybody manages to do it somehow but keep wondering how it will finish until 5 and three-quarters of the six months. And in my second year i observe how the thesis craze has caught up with people. There is the much feared question which makes me dumb as soon as it is asked....." how much have u completed your thesis?" I ask the person "whats that on ur jacket?". I hate questioning about thesis to other but have invariably asked whomever i met, coz it is revenge time. After all everybody should feel uncomfortable some time or the other...hehe

I know many many people wont share these thoughts with me bcos....there are people who say.." i like research....it gives a sense of satisfaction"...my god....like research..."after we have come here to study"....yaaaaa.....i dont know....my mind is confused. But this is a confusing time...when you start doing the thesis ..this is how it feels...i say to myself...please say it does....

Those of you who feel hardwork,concentration and dedication is the key to a successful thesis, ignore this post..oops i wrote this too late...but hey....is there a way....i mean...a shortcut to finish it fast ;-) ?

2.The constant worry....

This is the second post in the series of posts which will talk about life in general. And believe me this is not the last. But for the time being yes this should wrap up the sentimental stuff. But then what i write here is something to think about....the constant worry...
Some how at each stage of our life ever since we knew to analyse things and situations, we always seem to have something to worry about. This may not be the same with everybody but the fact is there is something, some point and some worry which constantly remains, deep in our minds, bothering us. Some of us choose to think about it all the time resulting in a worried,tensed behaviour extracting comments from people like "he is a tensed soul", "arre use chod...woh tho hameeshasse hi aisa hai". While some of us choose to avoid it by not htinking about it. But there exist another kind who smile at it and say" ya..its part of life".

How do we choose which one we want to be. To those who are wondering what worries am I talking about, look around you. Academics, household,parents,friends,finance,health and may be some other aspect in life. Though not necessarily life threatening the cause of worry could be enought to bother you and maybe make you feel low. I thought about myself and asked , why is it that there has to be something that has to bother us all the time, why not have a happy life with no troubles like the world Pandora lived in before she opened her box of troubles?

I guess it is not in my hands to answers such life queries but here is a small attempt. We all have seen various definitions for "life" like it is a sine wave..we always have ups and downs. Yup to a great extent it is true. Happiness can never be valued without knowing what sadness or misery is. God has his own way of showing us and taking us on a roller coaster ride. even when he showers us with happiness he does leave a small bother in our minds about some arbitrary thing, like a small mole planted on baby's face so that he dosent get "the eye"(kannu padarthu) of the world. Manouevering through tough times, truimphing through difficulites and breaking high barriers is what life is all about.
Another very common misconception with a lot of people is, why do i always have to face troubles, why cant my life be like some "mr ideal". Well the truth is "mr ideal" too has his own share of worries and troubles. He choosese to either smile his way thourgh them or hide them. Nobody is born with a ever happy mind or a life which dosent give them troubles. A rich man may have his health worries, a poor man may have his financial worries, a healthy intelligent and financially stable person may have his romantic failures, the list never ends.
So what do we do, should we just keep worrying, let our hairs turn grey, and be sad all the time? That now would be the most foolish thing to do. Anguish, jealousy, hatred,sadness,misery,wrath and all the negative things will always keep coming across in our lives wheather we want it or not. But how we handle them is a quality of our own. Let trouble bother you and it will bother you no ends. Combat it with an attitude, think of all the good things that have happened to you, of all the good friends,relatives and wonderful parents that you have and then look at the problem, you will find yourself smiling at your problem with a "pooo" or shall we say "cha".

So next time when you find yourself low, worrying about something, remember how capable,smart,cool and successful you are and how you have come across all the previous barriers in your life and think with a level head..."so what". Keep smiling and keep everybody smiling around you. troubles come and go, dont make them your companion.

P.S : no more blogs about life and heavy stuff for a while....until something "worrys" me...:-)

1.the most important thing in life....

I know when you read the title of this post, you may feel it is a cliche. But well it took me a long time but I found the most important thing in my life only now. In fact wanting to write what i feel is what has made me start writing a blog.
Let me tell you a bit about how i came about writing this post. Well I have just returned to Cincinnati from my home in India and well in short I am homesick. I wasnt homesick the first time around when i came to Cincinnati beacuse i was enthusiatic and excited to come to US. But now the "US" hangover is finished, I am no more in awe of the country or anything about it, result being I couldnt force myself to come back here. I presume everybody who visits home in between feels this way, but I felt it more than ever now. Well i guess it isnt tough to guess what the most important thing of my life is....yes it is my parents. My very own mom and dad. Ofcourse i want to add my brother in the list as well.
"Thavamai thavam irundu" a newly released tmail movie was somethign i wont lie...changed my perception. It made me realise how many sacrifices parents make for their children only to be left alone in their old age. I guess i am guilty of leaving them too. I began wondering if it was worth to spend all my life away from them in order to earn money or live a high tech life...i realised it was not worth. Maybe in times to come I will eventually go back to India and settle with my parents in my very own Delhi or maybe Chennai. But what will happen is for time to decide.
Sometimes we get so busy and involved in our own lives with classes,jobs,cooking and ll the day to day life that we never stop to think , what are we doing all this for? I decided to consciously dedicate more time to my family who love me more than anything for what i am. and i owe my beginning to my blog life to them. adios!!!